The Military Is Only Now Beginning To Study How The Deaths Of Active-Duty Troops Have Affected Their Families

Six Years Gone: Lt. Col. Paul Finken died in Iraq in 2006, leaving behind his wife, Jackie, and their three daughters, Emilie, Caroline and Julia, to figure out which things can heal.

A Soldier’s Requiem, Never Fading Away -- New York Times

WOODBRIDGE, Va. — Each December, Jackie Finken pulls plastic bins from the basement and distributes carefully wrapped Christmas decorations to her three daughters. Each girl has her own ornaments. And each of those ornaments has a story. That is a Finken tradition, one of many.

So there Mrs. Finken was on her kitchen floor a few weeks back, telling tales. About the treble clef that she and her husband, Paul, gave Emilie, the cheerful eldest, when she started loving her violin. About the Cinderella they gave to Caroline, the cranky middle one, when Disney princesses were all the rage. About the mouse they gave to Julia, the mischievous youngest, the year a brigade of vermin feasted on her candy stash.

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My Comment: It is amazing that after 11 years of war, the military is only now beginning to study how the deaths of active-duty troops have affected their families.

Sighhhh ....
Our prayers are with the family and loved ones.

Why Must A Young Mother Fight The Ministry Of Defense To Prove Her Soldier Fiancé Fathered Their Daughter Before He Was Killed In Afghanistan?

Young Mother Wins DNA Legal Battle To Prove Her Soldier Fiancé Fathered Their Daughter Before He Was Killed In Afghanistan -- Daily Mail

A young mother has won her fight to prove her fiance fathered their daughter before he was killed in Afghanistan.

Emma Hickman, 19, could not officially name Daniel Wade as the father of five-month-old Lexie-Mai because of a legal wrangle over his DNA.

Private Wade, of 3rd Battalion, The Yorkshire Regiment, died in a Taliban bomb attack in March, three months before his daughter’s birth.

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My Comment: Kudos to the British Ministry of Defense for finally doing the right thing.

Infidelity is A Taboo Subject Among Military Wives

Military Wives Stay Mum On The Subject Of Infidelity -- The Independent

They talk about almost everything, military spouses.

In running groups, prayer groups, writing groups, many spouses say they lean on one another heavily while their partners are overseas on yet another deployment in this decade of war. They discuss how to explain drones to the kids, how desperately they need jobs and how to keep positive during the weekly Skype session to Afghanistan with a husband they've not touched in six months. Community is tight, conversation frank.

But not when it comes to the topic of cheating.

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My Comment: This military wife is not staying quiet.

Military Families Plan For The Worst

U.S. Marines depart a checkpoint and patrol back to Forward Operating Base Geronimo, Afghanistan, May 30, 2010. The Marines are assigned to Headquarters Company, 3rd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment. U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Mark Fayloga

Amid A Defense Budget Fight, Military Families Plan For The Worst -- At War/New York Times

My husband doesn’t whisper. So when he leaned into me before his 2009 deployment and whispered that soldiers – many soldiers – were going to die where they were going in Afghanistan, I listened. Yet I am the kind of practical woman who could hear his fear and chalk it up to predeployment jitters.

My husband was right about that deployment. In four months, 20 members of our unit, the 1-17 Infantry Battalion, Fifth Brigade, Second Infantry Division, out of Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Wash, died. I spent every other Wednesday at a military memorial sitting behind friends whose husbands were now among the fallen.

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My Comment: A post that puts everything into perspective.

Wife Of British Soldier Posted To Helmand Discusses The Emotional Toll

Chicks Dig The Uniform -- Crooked Timber

My husband, E, has been deployed to Afghanistan for six months. He’s in Helmand province and spends most of his time working with the Afghanistan National Army, near Camp Bastion. He should be home by the end of September. Before he came back on R&R last month, I hadn’t seen any image or recent picture of him since March. That felt particularly strange, in this age of Skype and camera-phones. But even odder are the approximately dozen people who’ve asked me during E’s tour if I’m going out there to visit him. Overall, it’s astonishing the number of people, from acquaintances to call centre staff, who think the level of contact and risk of an infantry officer deployed to a war zone is about the same as someone making a business trip to Barcelona.

So here – more by way of personal expression than public education – are some observations about being the wife of a deployed British soldier.*

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My Comment: This is a must read for families (and their friends) who have loved ones posted overseas.

Soldier's Widow Mourns Her "American Hero"

In Tampa, Soldier's Widow Mourns Her "American Hero" -- Tampa Bay Times

TAMPA — Every morning, Sarah Sitton opens her eyes and remembers. She remembers the knock on the door and the moment of fear. She remembers her 9-month-old son Brodey, who never got to play catch with his dad. And she remembers the love of her life: A soldier who died in Afghanistan a month before he was scheduled to return home.

"Every day it's a new struggle and it's something new to live with," Sarah , 21, said at a news conference Wednesday at the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office where her mother works. "And every morning it starts all over again."

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My Comment: Our prayers are with her.

Wife Of The First American Servicemember To Be Killed In The Afghan War Still Struggling With Loss

Widow Of First Service Member To Die In Afghanistan War Still Struggling With Loss, VA -- CBS News

(CBS News) Renae Chapman, the wife of the first American servicemember to be killed in the Afghanistan War, said the ten years since his death has been "really tough."

Chapman said she wishes "she could say it gets better, but it doesn't."

Her husband, Sergeant First Class Nathan Ross Chapman was a member of the special forces and was killed in Afghanistan less than three months after the official start of the war. His death is remembered as the 2000th American servicemember was killed Wednesday in the war that has been America's longest, lasting more than ten years.

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My Comment: Our prayers are with her and all the other families who are suffering greatly from these wars.

Wife Of Soldier Accused In Afghanistan Massacre Breaks Her Silence

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Afghan Massacre Suspect's Wife: 'He Did Not Do This' -- MSNBC

Kari Bales said accusations are 'devastating,' insists Staff Sgt. Robert Bales was ready for deployment

The wife of a U.S. soldier accused of murdering 17 Afghan civilians believes her husband could not have carried out the crime.

“I don't think anything will really change my mind in believing that he did not do this,’’ Kari Bales told TODAY’s Matt Lauer in an exclusive interview that aired Monday. “This is not what it appears to be.’’

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More News On The Afghan Massacre Suspect's Wife Interview With NBC

'He loves children...he would never do this': Wife of soldier accused of killing 17 Afghan villagers breaks her silence and vows to stand by her husband -- Daily Mail/AP
Wife of soldier accused in Afghanistan rampage says he showed no signs of PTSD -- Washington Post/AP
Afghanistan: Wife Defends Accused Soldier -- Time/AP
Karilyn Bales, wife of accused Afghanistan shooter Sgt. Robert Bales, defends husband (VIDEO) -- New York Daily News
US 'rogue' soldier's wife defends him over Afghan 'shooting spree' -- The Telegraph

Military Wives Rally Around Karilyn Bales

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Military Wives Rally Around Karilyn Bales -- MSNBC

RIDGEFIELD -- After her children fell asleep, Lori Volkman crept into her basement office, turned on her computer, and wept as she began to write.

“Dear Kari,” she typed from her home in Ridgefield, Wash. “I can’t imagine the thud you felt in your heart and the ice that coursed in your veins when you heard a knock and saw a uniform standing at your front door. I can't fully imagine the fear and shock ..."

Volkman's message began as an open letter to Karilyn Bales, the wife of Army Staff Sgt. Robert Bales who has been charged with murdering 17 civilians in Afghanistan. Volkman wrote, "I don't condemn you for being married to a man who has been accused."

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My Comment: Thank God for social networking and the support structure that it provides .... and thank God for the military wives who endure so much.

Sergeant’s Wife Kept A Blog On The Difficulties Of Army Life

Sergeant’s Wife Kept A Blog On The Travails Of Army Life -- New York Times

She detailed her pregnancy, with her husband a world away. She described the knot she got in her stomach from missing him. She wrote of her disappointment after he was passed over for a promotion.

But mostly, Karilyn Bales — the wife of Staff Sgt. Robert Bales, the soldier accused of killing 16 Afghan villagers last week — relayed the simple anguish of life as a military spouse, tending to a home with two young children, with a husband summoned for repeated deployments.

“Bob left for Iraq this morning,” she wrote in her family blog on Aug. 9, 2009. “Quincy slept in our bed last night.”

Though much of the family’s online presence appears to have been removed in recent days, the fragments that remain capture the daily travails typical of any family with a loved one stationed abroad.

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My Comment: More details on how difficult life had become for this family can be read here. As to what is my take .... after reading all the news reports and analysis you walk away with the cold realization that Staff Sgt. Robert Bales' life and the life of his family has been changed forever .... that his children will never have a normal life with their dad, and that his wife must now (probably) struggle alone. And what is worse .... there are now a number of Afghan families who are enduring unbearable pain over the loss of their children and loved ones .... and you know they will never forgive.

When A U.S. Service Member Dies

When A Service Member Dies -- New York Times

Editor’s Note: On Wednesday night, two Marine Corps helicopters crashed near the California-Arizona border, killing seven Marines. Six of the dead were from Camp Pendleton, Calif., and one was from the Marine Corps’ training range in Yuma, Ariz. This essay comes from the wife of a Marine Corps aviator based at Yuma.

The text came in just as I was loading my kids into the car before heading off to school. Amid the early-morning chatter about lunches, plans for recess and Harry Potter, I sucked in my breath.

“Are you okay?” the text read.

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My Comment: A sobering realization on how war impacts families with loved ones in the military.

Two Stories That Illustrate The Cost Of War To Those Who Serve And To Their Families

Tragic: Hayley Fisk, right, was delighted to receive a Valentine's Day card from soldier fiance Kyle Marshall, left, but joy turned to heartbreak when moments later, she was told he had been killed in Afghanistan

Tragedy As Fiancee Opened Valentine's Card From Soldier On Afghan Frontline... And Hours Later Was Told He Has Been Killed -- Daily Mail

* Paratrooper's father speaks of the family's ongoing grief as his first anniversary approaches
* The couple had just bought a house and had been due to get married in June last year
* Kyle Marshall had been offered 'double his wages' to stay at a Tyneside tile shop but felt he had 'unfinished business' with the Army

The heartbreaking story of a woman who was told her solider fiance had been killed in Afghanistan on Valentine's Day has today emerged.

Hayley Fisk had been excited to receive a Valentine's Day card from Paratrooper Kyle Marshall last year.

But her joy soon turned to heartache after soldiers arrived at her door to tell her the 24-year-old from Howdon, North Tyneside, had been killed after stepping on an explosive planted by the Taliban.

Today the soldier's father Gary has spoken of the family's ongoing grief as his first anniversary approaches.

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Tragic: Iraq vet Jason Pemberton killed himself and his wife Tiffany

Purple Heart War Hero Kills Himself And His Wife After Suffering From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder -- Daily Mail

* 'This kid was a hero', says local police chief

A highly decorated veteran of the Iraq war shot and killed his wife before fatally shooting himself at their home yesterday.

Jason Pemberton, who had won three Purple Hearts and a Bronze Star, was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder following his service in the Middle East.

The 28-year-old soldier was described as a 'hero' by the local police chief, who said that Tiffany Pemberton, 25, was 'a casualty of war' despite never having fought.

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My Comment: Our prayers go to the families and to their loved ones.

A Military Wife Puts A Few Words On War

Amalie Flynn, right, with her husband, Lt. Cmdr. Jason T. Phillips. Paxton F. Phillips

From A Military Wife, Words On War -- Amalie Flynn, New York Times

In 2001, I was standing on a street, watching a plane hit a tower and watching bodies, the bodies of people who were jumping out of windows, watching them fall through the sky and down. I ran that day, away from the fiery towers and dust. And in the days that followed, I ran away from the rubble, away from New York City — all the way to another state, where I would meet a man who was in the military, who would become my husband.

In 2004, my husband bought me a coffee mug. It said, “Navy Wife, the hardest job in the Navy.” We laughed about the mug, about how I did not think of myself as a military wife and about how easy our lives felt. We were living in a New Hampshire subdivision of town houses, where each unit was a cheerful carbon copy of the one next to it, and where streets, with names like Sunflower and Honeysuckle and Sugar-Hill, intersected unnecessarily.

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WNU Editor: Her blog Wife and War can be found here.

Couple’s Battle With Effects Of War Is Not Over, But They Are Winning

Photo: Army Staff Sgt. Bryan Gansner, here in his dress uniform, was six weeks away from coming home when he was severely injured by a roadside bomb in Iraq.

Soldiering On: Knoxville Couple’s Battle With Effects Of War Isn't Over, But They're Winning -- Knoxnews

Three a.m. on a rainy July morning. Her phone rings. Iraq is calling. Cheryl Gansner's heart pounds.

The voice on the phone 6,000 miles away isn't her husband, Army Staff Sgt. Bryan Gansner with the 101st Airborne Division. It's a lieutenant colonel.

A roadside bomb exploded. Bryan is seriously injured.

"All I could do was listen. I just said 'OK, OK, OK,' to everything he said," remembers Cheryl. "I was in shock. I didn't even think to ask if anyone else was injured or was he going to die."

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My Comment: A moving story .... a perfect last post for the Fourth of July.

Military Families Also Experience Military Tragedies

Photo: Charles Hill with a memorial to his son who was killed in Afghanistan, and his son's friend, Amanda Vaughn, who has had his name tattooed on her arm in his memory. Credit: Don Bartletti / Los Angeles Times

Afghanistan War A Family Affair For Many: A Tradition And Tragedy -- L.A. Times

Without a draft, the U.S. wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are being fought by those who volunteered for military service and often come from families where military service is a tradition.

In the Marine Corps, the son of a general was killed in Sangin, Afghanistan. The son of another general has just returned from deployment in Afghanistan. During the street battle in Marjah, a Marine sergeant major and his son were fighting on adjacent blocks.

To the list of families who have served and sacrificed, add the Hills of Poway in northern San Diego County.

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My Comment: Our prayers are with the families and their loved ones.

JPMorgan Apologizes For Overcharging And Foreclosing On Soldiers Who Are Serving In Harm's Way

JPMorgan Apologizes For Overcharging, Foreclosing On Soldiers -- ABC news

House Panel Says Sorry Is Not Enough in Case of 4,500 Service Members Overcharged, 18 Foreclosed.

Members of the House Veterans' Affairs Committee tore into an apologetic JPMorgan Chase executive today after the bank admitted violating a law that guarantees protections to servicemembers serving in harm's way.

The giant financial institution failed to comply with the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, which provides active duty soldiers, who purchased a home prior to the start of their active duty, a 6 percent cap on their mortgage interest rate and any other fees while they are on active duty and for a year after they are discharged.

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My Comment: To say that this is an outrage is an understatement .... sighhh .... another example (among many) on how banks treat us.

President Obama Announces A New Initiative To Help Military Families

U.S. President Barack Obama makes remarks as he unveils a new initiative for military families, as First Lady Michelle Obama (C) and Dr. Jill Biden, wife of Vice President Joe Biden, also attend in the East Room of the White House, January 24, 2011 in Washington,D.C. Obama called for an effort to better coordinate and strengthen the Federal government's support for troops in the areas of education, housing, health care and quality of life issues. UPI/Mike Theiler

White House Aims to Help Military Families -- ABC News

Obama Administration Unveils Government-Wide Effort to Improve Support for Military Families

President Obama has unveiled a list of 50 specific commitments his administration will undertake to improve the support for U.S. military families through a coordinated effort by all the cabinet agencies.

The commitments address a whole range of issues from homelessness to mental health to employment opportunities for young adults. The government-wide effort will give military families "a seat at the table, not just at the White House or at the Pentagon or at the VA [Veterans Affairs]," Obama said.

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More News On U.S. Support For Military Families

Obama Pledges More Support for Military Families, "We Are Upping Our Game" -- ABC News
President Obama proposes additional aid for military families -- MSNBC
Obama announces broad new support for military families -- CNN
Obama touts steps to support military families -- AP
Obama pledges 'unprecedented commitment' to military families -- USA Today
Obama lists support for military families -- UPI
Agencies outline efforts to support military families -- Government Executive
President Announces Overhaul for Programs for Military Families -- Yahoo News
Obama Announces ‘Unprecedented Commitment’ to Military Families -- U.S. Department of Defense

A Look On How Military Families Cope When Their Loved Ones Are Deployed In War Zones

Separation Brings Sorrow In Army Wives' Stories -- NPR

Siobhan Fallon's husband, an Army major, has been away for half of the six years they've been married — deployed twice to Iraq and once to Afghanistan. The experience has not been wasted on her. She gives us a rare insider's view of the domestic face of war in her powerful, eye-opening debut collection of eight loosely linked short stories, You Know When the Men Are Gone.

Fallon's stories, set in "the Great Place" — Fort Hood, Texas, the largest Army post in the United States — focus on the terrible strain of long separations. She vividly captures the loneliness and anxiety of months of waiting, and the anticipation, nervousness and unbroachable chasms surrounding soldiers' returns, with both husbands and wives unable to speak of what they've endured.

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My Comment: Having your spouse deployed into a war zone half the time .... not a healthy way to keep a relationship.